perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
