and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
you had me at cake vodka
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
