Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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