You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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