I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
