Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
this will be a night to untag.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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