where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
