When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
