omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Randomize
