new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
