The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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