I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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