Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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