Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
