I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
