Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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