please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
