i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
