we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
