new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
