Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
