Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
