I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
