AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
