Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
