Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
