Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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