The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
