I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I will die if light touches me.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
