Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We left the knife in your bed.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
