I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
