this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
