its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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