Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
