When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
