You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
