My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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