I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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