do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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