so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
