No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
