I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize