Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
