What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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