i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
