i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
