Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
BRING THE BAGELS
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
