No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
