My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
