I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
